That's life!!

We are surrounded by INEVITABLES in life ....here are few that's coming to my mind , Death, Failed first love, Kids growing up, pet dog dying, best friend getting married ..and to include it all.. NOTHING BEING PERMANENT... so being understanding matured adults we all know these facts of life ... do we know them cause its happened to us or did we always know it and lived in denial ....
hmmmm , so wats wrong with living in denial !! We keep hearing "Stop resisting and accept it ." well acceptance does help ... but you need to know what is it that you are accepting ....
We all know, it all ends with death .. and loosing a loved one is painful ... so what am I accepting here .. !! I am not accepting that since death is inevitable I can not hurt if I loose some one , rather i am accepting that death is inevitable and since I am human I am going to hurt .. I am accepting the pain....
First love ... well mostly it never works .. but we all wish for it .. and we all say " for me it will work" ... if you dont have that hope , that faith , well then you will never love ... you cant hold back love cause you are scared of beig hurt .. accept the hurt .. go through the pain of parting..
Kids growing up and best friends getting married .. well you always knew that would happen ... but you just dont want to share them with anyone else.. so do you accept it and not miss them .. no .. if you dont miss them you never loved them ... but what u do accept is that when you let go of them , it is going to to hurt and the pain will be unbearable .. accept .. that it is ok to feel the pain.. the more it pains the more you love and value ...
Make friends with pain .. dont resist it ... pain is inevitable ....accept it...

A lost thought on Growth .

Yes , I had lost this thought .. but like all thoughts this one too came floating back to me and I had to put it down here ... What is growth ?? Why are we all running after growth .. definitely for some it means a better salary and pay package ... what about the rest who dont really care abt the money ?

Well .. heres my thought .... all human beings think of :whats the purpose of my life " ? "why am I here .."? .. and ofcourse they never got the answer to these questions so easily ... so the human kind created their own answers ... you need to be remembered by you achievements ... u need to be better than others at things ... you see, the society forces you to become someone important .. who is remembered... the society wants you to perform .. the peer pressure and competition ....what if I dont care ... I am happy with what I am ... I have a comfortable life ... dont need anything more .. the ego massage ... the pride ... nothing... just want peace of mind ... but th society doesnt allow that ... you are constantly being compared and rated ... hence you have a purpose in life ... to achieve a certain list of things , which will entitle you to the title "successful " ....

Humans feel insecured ... wen they do not know the answer to some question ... so we created our answer to the qustions ... the purpose of our life is to be successful ... we created the hirarchy .. the career path and the promotion s ... do we really need any of this ?

think for your self ... dont let the social system make you choices and take your decisions...

Chalk-Pencil-Pen

Our lives are more or less framed in this pattern ..."Chalk- Pencil and Pen" ... think about it ..
We start our education with "hathe khori " writing with chalk on a slate ... which can be erased very easily. The reason behind , a child starting to write with a chalk is , one , as a child you are expected to make mistakes , you are expected to learn from those mistakes and improve on your writing skills .. we get to save the slate too .. hence there's hardly anything that one looses out on by writing as slate .. there's no consequence of going wrong here ... as a child you don't really have to take responsibility or face consequences of your actions .....

Then we graduate to Pencil .... the writing is kind of permanent , until you choose to erase it ... you can use an erases and may be use the same paper / sheet twice or thrice. The more you write the pencil gets blunt and you have to use a sharpener and very gradually we use up the pencil ... the paper too over few times of erasing tears away .. here .. we are allowed to go wrong a few times post which we have to face consequences ... we are expected to learn from the chalk phase and become better at dealing with life and making better decisions ... the burden of responsibility is not much but it definitely is telling enough abt the next phase in life .....

Thats the Pen phase ... and it ends with the pen phase .... pens /inks more expensive ... the sheet you write on can not be reused ... you have to think twice & thrice before you write with a pen ... the permanency of life ... the life changing decisions you make .. the people you hurt... the list just goes on .... you are expected to take all the right decisions ... you are expected to deal with life correctly... you are expected to Carry the baggage of responsibilities...

wondering abt , graduating to computers .. think about it .. we still take wrong print outs and waste paper and ink .. we do have the option of cntrl Z ... but we still have to make a choice and hit Cntrl S at some point ... cntrl S is the point where you make the choice and you are expected to make choice which is right by all ... you are expected to deal better with life...

Chalk- pencil -pen ... isn't it kind of eerie ... !!

Of arms & existence.. !!

Was in B'lore last week watching this movie on STAR movies .. The brave one ... Didnt get the full story as was watching halfway .. but did catch this dialouge ( or something that souded like this ) .. " I cant feel my body without his arms around me , i dont think i exist anymore "
Is it good to be dependent on some one to actually feel that you exist ..... with my current mood i would say no ........ but some other time i would say, that feeling of being in love and living your life tangled with someone else's .. that feeling is priceles.....

thought -less.

Lately have nt had any thoughts that I want to capture ... damn .. I have been so up to my neck with work ... the no of posts in April shows that i guess .. just realised that my job is a part of my life and not my whole life .. and i have to remember that at all times ... its good for my boss if I take my job personally may be ..but its not working for me ,and I have had it ... too much of something is not good ..

All my principles have gone down the drain!!

"All my principles have gone down the drain ".......Thats what a friend said ...

when we were 13 we had certain priciples and values , when we were 18 and we had a new set of principles ..21 after college ,some more compromises and  some new principles... now at 26 ... i think I have the final set ;) , but who knows .. it might change some more in the life ahead ..  but by now we have realised that life is full of compromises .. and there are things we say " we are never going to compromise on " .... but few years down , we find ourselves giving in and compromising ... 

We believed in fairy tales and we believed in Santa clause ... some of us still do ;) ... but most of us dont believe in it any more .. life has taught us not to ... similarly ... life has also taught us what principles to stick to and what to compromise on ..... it varies from person to person , and the situation faced by one ...

we change..........remember the life changing experiences ... 

hmmm , so instead of feeling guilty for compromising on principles that we had 10 yrs back , we shud look ahead and take life as it comes . 10 yrs back we couldnt really have imagined or understood where we are standing today .... so i dont see why our principlesl should'nt change along with our changing lives........

Like someone once said " Never say Never " !!

Love at first sight...

Who ever believed in that ??? May b I did till very early years of my life .. courtesy :Bollywood movies ;)...

recently at a shopping spree bought stuff that I fell in love with at the first sight ...a friend says "if you notice those are the ones that get you most of the compliments"... I say , " cos they are perfect for us "..
having said that I realise- how come it doesnt happen that way with the men we like !?!?!

I wonder .....

It seems like a foot wear from Inc.5 and a kurti from W cant say " no I wont go home with you " but unfortunately the ppl we meet can say so .....

hmmmmmm ... but even if they did say I will come with you we cud never be that sure ...

I feel , its easier to make up ur mind abt a dress than abt a man ... cos its easier to discard a dress..!!!

Revolutionary Road...

For those of you who did not follow OSCARS , this film was nominated in the best film category and some more categories...
I watched the movie last night and was shocked to find that how much i could relate to it .....

RR is not only the name of the street were the characters live but also the road they try to take to fill up the "hopeless emptiness" of life ....

Yes the HOPELESS EMPTINESS........

Thats wat life becomes , when we get disillusioned by the conformism of the society ... we grow up being told to want a good job and marriage and family .. and in the process of doing so we loose out on living life ... thats when life becomes empty ...and it takes a mental patient in this film to realise that this emptiness is hopeless... ppl live hoping to arrive in life and start living it ,,, while life passes you by and you reach your old age and realise that you still havent arrived and you are about to die..

We get into the comfort zone of our life , as we grow up and grow in our careers our lifestyle changes and it becomes more and more expensive. Suddenly there is a point when you realise that this is not what you want from life ... u dont wanna spend your life working 10 hrs a day and not really enjoying what you do...
but by then its too late ... you are trapped ..you are caged ... you want out but you dont have the guts for it ... you are too secured in the emptiness of your life to want to venture out .... but the spirit within you dies .... life just becomes a chore .....

The Revolutionary Road is about having the guts to get out of this confrming life and doing what you want to do ... but to do it you have to take the risk of failing and starting from the scratch ...which most of us are scared to do ...

Why i could relate to this !!! well , at the moment i do feel caged sometimes but the door of the cage is still not locked ... I try not to feel too secured with the job I have and the money that I earn .... dont get into credit , keep a inexpensive lifestyle , doesnt matter how many promotions I get ..... and always imagine the worst case scenario and say to myself ... thats not too bad :O)

However this movie potrays the fear that I have ... of getting stuck in a life that I dont want .... after all , you always know your own self .. and as far as I know myself .... I have the wanderlust;) ....

hmmmmmm

Sometimes .. it seems , nothing is working in life .... i call it "that phase" .... what do u do to come out of it .... well frankly speaking there is'nt much that u can do ... read books watch movies ... work and work some more .....
these are times when getting a promotion doesnt help ... a high pay package doesnt help .... it just means u want somthing new in life ....

I go thru this every year ... ya thats right ... then i shud be good at getting over it ... but no ... everytime its different ..... and it makes me cranky and gloomy and irritated ... i read a book it didnt help ... watched movies , that too didnt help ... and work is making me mad .... dreaming about work is a sign that you are absolutely stressed out ....

hmmmm ... need to go somewhere ... on a trip...

Mind's need to rationalise !!

Someone once told me " Never underestimate the power of mind to complicate things" .

When you start thinking about it, you realize how true it is ... we have found a way to explain everything .. which we call the science .. The science behind every change of state ..

How can 2 people think about each other at the same time ... ( In know: we call it love, but it happens otherwise too) , How can we love and hate someone at the same time ... how can you vibe with someone so well , but still at times want to stay away from that person .... why do people in love need to give space to each other , i thought love is togetherness...
" I follow my head " ..." I follow my heart " ... "my head and my heart is always at conflict" .... isnt that how we try to explain things like these...

hmmm ... well , you see , we are always trying to explain or rationalise....

Mind - as an entity , is would say , is very pretty egoistic ... our mind will never give up till we have explained or found a reason behind things ..... It doesnt understand that there are thing in this universe which need not be explained or understood... its just the way it is ....

And when our mind , tries to understand , we come to conclusions , and to us that becomes the only justifiable reason and thats when we start seeing simple things in a complicated way .... its like a prism... when you see through it the white light breaks into a number of colorful rays .... similarly when we look at simple things of life through the glass of reason , and come to a complex conclusion it adds color to our life ...

Picture 2 men taking a walk .... that does sound boring , now ..picture 2 men taking a walk and let your imagination fly ... let your mind ask why are these 2 men walking together .... getting few answers ? coming to a conclusion ? ... now , thats a lil bit more interesting !!!!

what I am trying to say here , is that , some things are just meant to be ,... and we have to experience it ... our purpose is to just experience these things without trying to rationalise ... and mostly we are supposed to experience pain and still try to find happiness... every time you feel pain try to be happy ...

The walk under the starlit sky..

My sister and me made this trip to Mathaburu, Purulia... after landing there we realised that it is camp for a rock climbing course .....
We were not prepared to spend our holiday on a tight schedule .. but still we gave it a try .. waking up at 5 in the morning and going running and PT in the chilly breeze of January was a refreshing change from the AC at work and so was the landscape from the computer screen ... we used to come back to our camp after that have breakfast and go trekking and rock climbing ... learnt a lot about climbing which I am sure would help me at some point in the future ... learnt these different ways of tying knots ( dont confuse with marraige;)).... and ofcourse learnt to survive as well as have fun with people from various backgrounds , with whom you dont find any mental match ... the experience was no less than a roadies show .... The high point of this trip for me , was when we took a walk under the starry sky ..... Well you can call it a walk or you can call it trekking in the dark , following this narrow man made path lined with vegetation and trees .... ofcourse we had our "pencil" torches lighting our path , making these wierd shadows as we walked ..... we even had a 3 legged, hybrid of a hill dog and a street dog for company, who was trying his best to make us trip...
so there we were, a line of campers , taking a walk , in search of a "coil of climbing rope" which we had managed to leave behind during the day ....
There was a mixed reaction among the group.... some were scared of ghots and some of wild animals.... there was this distinct smell of some animal , which added fuel to everyones' imagination. Personally i think it was a fox.

Anyways ,so then we reached one of the rocky clearing were we had practiced rock climbing, in order to search for the rope. And suddenly one of us looked up and there it was, the balck velvety carpet , studed with millions and millions of brilliant diamonds ..... I could hear my sister gasp next to me and then the shouts of " switch of the torches " ..... (the ghosts and the wild animals had vanished for the moment i guess.;)].
I have come across such a sky in the sana beach, mandarmoni...however, it was the first for my sister...

we stood there drinking in the beauty of this pollution free , clear , brilliant sky... and there it was ....." a falling star" !!! ... i quickly mad a wish .. my sister didnt know that you were supposed to make a wish . But then she said " star gazing like this, with you by my side is all I want" .... ( well, yeah , we were on a holiday together after may be 7-8 years).As I said we were on a schedule , so we had to keep moving , but now it was a slower walk , as we were trying to walk with our heads up trying to identify the clusters of stars ... i only know the hunter and the bright saturn .... W even saw 2 white acrches on the sky ... which ppl said were milky ways ... i dunno what it was but it added to the mystery. We kept walking , through the hilly road and found the rope at the next rock .

On our way back there was another brilliant surprise waiting for us. The moon , rising behind the Matha hill ... it was beautiful ..... ( read: beeauuuuuuuuutiful).

The memory makes me speechless..........

I kicked a** !!

Just to say that I did kick the ghost's a** ...;) ..

Ref: my first post.

My 3 bed partners.

I know D, well, i guess for over 10 yrs now .. cant remember the exact time period when i first met her ... she has blue eyes but her smile's faded over the years now ... she is the always there kinds.... and also the only female who shares my bed.

Then comes, B - He is the bear .. u know .. kind and protective . He has got these black eyes with a ring of brown around them , can look fierce at times , if he wants ... but to me he is a sweetheart ... He is the only one who has travel led with me ..actually my sister met him in Gurgaon and brought him to calcutta ... after that he came with me to chennai and then back to calcutta .. he is the toughie among the 3 ... always cushioning my falls ... and wiping my tears .... and true friend ... he has been with me through my ups and downs .... when I am lonely or when I have nightmares he is always there with his reassuring hug...
P.....well ... he is the latest... we are together for about 4 months now ... he has got this "puss in the boot " look ...and he is soooooooo huggable .... sometimes he is like a baby ... cute and cuddly ... u just cant resist him ...
and my bed is full at the moment ... so m good with 3 .. ;)

very soon I ll share their picture too ... so you guys will have to wait till then...

Whats private and whats public.!!

Have heard of blogging for few years now , still don't understand it .... help me understand if u guys can .... so how did i create this blog then !! well , a friend of mine is coming up with his site and he needed some designs for it , so I created this blog just to provide him with an idea of layout design ... quite a lame reason huh!!

So now that I have a blog , might as well write in it .....

Problem is what do I want to make public and what do I keep private !!

Why would anyone wanna make their private thoughts public ... doesnt it take away the advantage of a surpise ... and thats something i feel is necessary to get ur way in this life ....

Imagine your boss knows what u think and some guy who wants woo you knows what u think , and actually makes you believe that he thinks like u .....

But again there is a huge difference between being secretive and being private ...rt ??

Used to keep a diary when I was a kid , and some mean human actually went thru it and made fun ... there in lies the ghosts ... which tells me don't pen down ur thoughts deary...

So let s c if I am able to get over this ghost and kick its a** ... but definitely will be writing more ..at least one more time to say if I have kicked its a** or not ;)

..and if you are wondering why this pic with this post ...ask me !!